It seems that I cannot change my ways of writing, I return to this pattern of writing writings which are not necessarily correlated with each other. When faced with the task of writing, I see exhaustion and tiredness, even when I have practically done nothing. I feel lonely. I feel Godless. I feel disconnected from God, and so I haven't been doing what He asks of me. Am I able to do those things? For sure I am, I know I am. So it is then a matter of choice, a negligent choice to not pay attention to the things of God. It is a matter of sin, and not mere "weakness".
My God, help me. Yet what if You have delivered help, and I ignore all of the help that You have given? For sure You have given me scriptures, prayers, sacraments, and the entirety of the Church. Yet I take no care towards them and go on my own path. I am weakened due to ignoring Your will and I sink to the bottom of despair. You have given me help, always, it is I who reject Your aid and Your graces. Forgive me my God, and though I know how selfish and unworthy of me to ask You this, help me to be able to receive Your grace as You have given me in the Church. Resurrect me, oh Lord, so I may be a man of You, a man of Easter.
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