Pengalaman Rohani 3 Juni 2022

 I am not sure what happened, so many things are happening right now.

No, there is only one thing happening right now. It was around 5 PM or before that or after that, on the 3rd of June, the year of our Lord 2022. I was reflecting upon the meeting I had with my friend and I realized that in the months of spiritual dryness, an emptiness developed in my soul. I had actually forgotten who he was and I acted with him out of programming, or was I? No, I forgot in one sense, and I know in another sense. I knew him, loved him, and forgotten him at the same time. It eventually came to me that I don't even know myself. I forgot so many things. I don't even know myself. Obviously I know myself, but there is a sense of unknowing. Then, my entire reality became foreign and yet familiar at the same time. The emptiness consumed my entire soul. However, there is one person, no, 3 persons I know, Abba, Yeshua, and Ruach. God, I know Him, He is all I know. I clearly do not know Him, but there is a sense of homeliness and trust in Him, a sense of familiarity and knowingness. I feel my personas and emotions struggling inside of me. Part of me is fearful and mourning this event. The other part is in deep peace and bliss, deciding that everything is in under control for once. Then I simply observe everything. I am not me. Ah this reminds me of the experience of no self, but I don't care about it. Now, I care only about carrying out the will of God, the Divine Will. The salvation of souls is my priority. This state of unknowing is interesting and nice. But who knows when God will take away this state of unknowing and return me to my old self. God gives and takes as He wills, but it is all for the goodness of us. I have no sense of self, I am merely a bundle of things, my existence is not truly real, only God is completely and absolutely real. Praise be to God. I only trust in Christ.

Setelah aku pulang, aku hanya tertarik dengan kehendak Allah. Segala hal lain hanya bermakna saat dikaitkan dengan Allah. Tanpa Dia, tidak ada yang bermakna. Aku merasakan diriku diisi dengan Roh Kudus pada masa setelah aku pulang. Aku beroleh keberanian. Aku merasakan kasih Yesus yang amat besar dan berjumpa dengan-Nya dalam batinku. Kami berpelukan, dan entah kenapa kasih-Nya menyakitkan jiwaku, sampai aku menangis. Namun pada saat yang sama, rasanya juga membahagiakan, dan aku sangat damai berada dalam pelukan dan hadirat Kristus. Allah lalu menyingkap sekilas dari rencana indah-Nya bagi hidupku, dan aku tersentuh kembali hingga aku menangis. Namun sekarang pengalaman indah itu berlalu, tapi ada yang tidak berlalu yaitu Roh Kudus. Aku merasa seperti aku tidak dikekang perasaan-perasaan semata lagi. Aku merasa lebih bebas, dan mampu untuk melayani Tuhan dengan lebih baik lagi. Sekiranya ini menjadi permulaan dari suatu hal yang teramat baik, sebab Tuhanlah yang merancang segala ini.