Personal Reflection 7

Who am I?

A realization, by the grace of God, came upon me last night until now. This realization is on the question of "Who am I?". I came to the point that I am not the Ignas of yesterday, nor am I the Ignas of the future. However, the point lies with my relationship to the person of the past. The keyword is inheritance. In my past thoughts, I have made the point that each person is different between one point of time and the other. In fact, I now and the I just a minute ago, or even at the beginning of this paragraph are 2 different souls and people. 

However, we inherit from our past a certain reality. This reality is not necessarily our reality until we choose to do something about that reality. We may choose to accept the inheritance or we may choose to reject it and make a new path. This we must understand to have proper meaning and purpose in our lives. For without this inheritance, we have no connection to ourselves, and we are forever a new being. 

For this realization I understand that the person who made the decision to be committed to and serve God forever is not me. I was that person, but I am not that person, in relationship to our temporal differences and separation. However, I inherit the reality of being in relationship with God, a specific relationship. As such, I must always make a new decision in front of God. I must always renew that choice, that will of love, every moment of my life.

This decision of love is of course a purely selfless decision, because we do not gain the rewards today or now. In fact, relative to the present, we will never see the effects of our love. Instead it is someone else, who inherits our realities and investments in the future, and our identity that shall feel the effect of our love. It is in this understanding that I see how love is totally selfless, that the final selfishness of love is broken down and destroyed. For even in self-love, it is selfless.

The Meaning of my Name

My name is Ignas Christianto Galih Prasetyo, in this writing I wish to explain the meaning of my name. My name is composed of 4 words, with each having a distinct meaning yet comprising of the foundation of my identity. The name "Ignas" comes from an Indonesian philosopher, sociologist, and anthropologist named Ignas Kleden. However, I interpret it as also coming from the Saint Ignatius of Loyola, and also from the Latin word "Ignis" which means fire. Fire here can mean the fiery aspect of my personality and also the fire of the Holy Spirit which dwells in me.

Christianto simply means Christian, a follower of Christ. However, what it means to be a follower of Christ for me is not simply to follow Christ as an action, but to be the follower of Christ, to be the Christian. It is not merely a part of my identity rather it is my sole identity, the only true identity I can have. The fullness of being a Christian is to be integrated to His Church, the Catholic Church, which He found on this earth before He ascended to heaven. It is to submit to the Church as a means of following Christ, and to do whatever Christ asks of us in the past and in the present.

Galih is a Javanese word meaning strength. In truth I am weak apart from Christ, but through Christ I can do all things and thus I am given strength by God. So this part of me, that is strength should not be considered a part of my natural self, for in my natural self I have nothing. Instead it should remind people of God and His strength, which He gives to us freely for the sake of our salvation. 

Prasetyo is another Javanese word which means "loyal oath" or "oath of loyalty". This  symbolizes that I am an oath of loyalty towards God and Christ His beloved Son. Indeed, to be a Christian is so make an oath of loyalty towards Christ. So in fact this last name of mine is related to my identity as a Christian. However, God reveals to me a unique symbolism behind my entire name, which I shall disclose in the following paragraph.

The path towards God is said to happen in the following sequence, we are first introduced to the Holy Spirit often symbolized by fire (Ignas), then the Holy Spirit leads us to Christ making us Christian (Christianto), and finally Christ leads us to the Father which is often appropriated as power or strength (Galih). The final definition of myself is Prasetyo, the oath of loyalty towards the Triune God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Thus my identity is truly Christian, for I am meant to be a Christian, apart from the world and separate from the world.

My Birth

I was born on Saturday, 6th of September, 2003 from my mother and father. I do not know if the dates have significance, I once tried to investigate the meaning, concerning the numbers' relationship to the Trinity, but God has since told me that birth dates are not that significant. Thus I no longer think of it other than as the history of my thought and mind. The date of the publication of this post is written in my blog so one can approximate my age of this post as around 18 years old.

The Autobiography

Several years ago, in 2019, when I was 15 years old, I wrote a massive autobiography detailing the first 15 years of my life, which amounted to 388 pages. However, 3 years have passed since that time, and many more things have happened then. For the first 15 years have been recorded well, I believe I need only record now the next 3 years, from 2019 until 2022. There is great prophetic significance to these years, as they mark the end of the beginning, and the beginning of the end of all things. This single writing will serve as a continuation to my autobiography.

The Continued Autobiography

Let us begin with a reflection, that there is possibly a contradiction between my thoughts and my feelings. That I feel the meaninglessness of chronicling this old part of my self, for it is shameful and also dark and depressing. Yet I recognize in my thoughts that I should not act out of feeling but out of faith, which means out of God's Will. Yet it is also an understanding that my feelings once discerned are also indicative of the Will of God. 

And that Will is for me to write about this past according to my memory as God reveals it to me. So now I shall write down some revealed memories and then elaborate upon them later on. The biographical writing with (hidden), the despair incident of presentation, the victory of idea in World History, the mistake of speech in THM session, the mistake of the Rosary, the trip to Bandung. This is what was revealed to me just now in my memory, now I shall commence writing on what happened as a generality from the end of the autobiography until today.

In the end of the autobiography, I was still in the middle of the delusion that I am Christ. Of course, all Christians are part of the body of Christ, but none of us are Christ proper, instead we are merely Christians, followers of Christ. We and Christ are indeed echad, but not the same. It is just as the Trinity is united yet distinct and separate in logical existence. Now while a source not yet verified by God or by the Church claims I was Christ, that is no longer meaningful, it is now insignificant. As the attempt to equate oneself with Christ is a Luciferian seduction and temptation, the desire to become God Himself, in fact, it is essentially antichrist.

There was a period of time undocumented and not remembered after that. It is only remembered that there was occassional moments of despair in the time period of 2019. Then as 2019 progresses, so did despair, and thus we enter the saga of 2020. In the beginning of 2020 my despair climaxed and I attempted to quit school only to be defeated mentally by the school forces, and I continued school and also was enrolled to a psychiatrist. Then covid hit. 

In the later part of 2020, the despair came back, and I remembered that there began my eschatological interest. Then there is also the resurgence of the delusion, which continued into 2021. In 2021, the delusion reached its climax with a seemingly demonic infusion into my soul. For I obtained what seemed like gifts of the Holy Spirit, but knowing the basis of those gifts, I know now that it is all demonic and of the spirit of the antichrist. 

The delusion ended by God's Will and command in the Holy Week. There I was thrown into an emptiness of being where I was disconnected from God. Then I attempted to enter the seminary and there the devil made his final attempt to destroy me, that is by leading me into suicide. However, God has a great plan for me, and for that reason He saved me knowing full well that I will continue to be an obedient child of Him.

In the evening of 2021, I was introduced to programming, pranic healing, and objectless meditation. All of that were necessary stepping stones to introduce me back into Christ in the proper manner as His child and future bride. And so in the beginning of 2022 until now I had a proper resurrection of the faith. I have been dead in my demonic deception, but Christ the Good Lord revived me and brought me back to life. 

In my new life of faith, I had 3 periods, the first period was the fertile period, followed by a dry period, and now I have a new fertile period. Now, whatever happened in these periods are not that important, other than to remind me of God's love. In the first period I was introduced to the Christian mission of evangelization and the struggle for the Church. In the second period I was introduced to free will, to the freedom of the soul in Christ, the freedom from sin and the freedom to serve God. In the third period I begin to do my task of serving God and His Will forever and ever. That is all.

The Purpose of my Life and all Lives

This has been revealed to me in the first fertile period of my faith, but it is now renewed. The purpose of my life and all lives is to serve God and enjoy God forever, and that is fulfilled only in the Christian life in the Catholic Church. For all souls not aware of Christ yet or not a Christian in the proper Church yet, then their task is to get into the Church and become a true Christian. For all Christian souls, this is their task as I understand it.

The abstract task is to love God with all of our heart, our soul, our mind, and our strength and to love one another as we love ourselves. The concrete task is to manifest this love in worship, as love for God, and in the works of mercy or works of love, as love for the neighbor. However, the greatest of these works as God revealed them to me, that is the particular Christian task is to "Preach the Gospel" and "Struggle for the Church". This is known through divine revelation and natural reason of the material God has given to us.

If the highest good is love which is God in perfection thereof, then it means that the highest work of mercy is to lead people into that perfect love which is God. This is the meaning of preaching the Gospel, it means to reveal the One True God to those still recognizing Him in shadows. Then to struggle for the Church means to preach continously to those already in the faith to strengthen their faith and their love. 

So the works of mercy, be it corporal or spiritual are good in of themselves. However, the best work of mercy, as God reveals to me, is to turn other people into ourselves, or more accurately, to turn other people into fellow images of God as we are images of God. Converting others to be lovers is the greatest act of love one can do to another. Thus is my purpose in my entire life, not to simply do good, but make others do good as well. 

The Current Manifestation of that Christian Purpose

I am ordained by God to currently study Him in metaphysics, and also pray as much as I can, primarily the Rosary. This is the current purpose, which I believe is not the final form, but simply the preparation of my soul for my further purposes in my life. I long for when I actually do the highest good as God reveals to me. There I will truly be what I am supposed to be as God has ordained me and designed me in His divine providence.