An Honest Account of my Faith
I have been ordained by God, the God that I love and worship, the God who revealed Himself, to write an honest account of my faith, in order to correct any form of dishonest thought and belief within me about my faith. It is an error that my faith was wholly inspired by the words of men and by the Church. The truth is that my faith was inspired by the workings of the Holy Spirit, God Himself, so that I may believe in the testimonies of men and of the evidences of the Church.
Then how do I encounter God? I encounter God through an image of Him, that is the interior voice within me which claims itself as God, but reveals itself as simply an image of God. In short, the interior voice is but a translation of the direct divine communication directed to me into understandable interior form and words. Then how can I be certain that the words are without any admixture of error? The answer is I am not certain at all. Instead it has went through a long process of purification of being.
I have a long history of inner voices, yet for the many years the voice was deluding and a liar. However, they are not completely deluding and lying voices, it is instead a mixture of the words of God and the words of the devil. It is mostly my understanding of God, and as my understanding of God is purified, so are the voices purified. Eventually I reach a point where the voice and the general power I feel in my soul directs me to the Catholic orthodoxy and so I remain in that faith until now.
However, all of this is made known to me by both the voices but also the direct communication to me. By direct I mean without language, thus information, or thought, is transmitted directly to my intellect and I perceive them immediately. Then the understanding grew within me that I may trust the voice insofar I do trust the voice as the voice of God. Eventually I am given further understanding that I may trust my own thoughts insofar I do see them as good, as coming from God and being of God.
Yet you see, there is always an uncertainty in my mind. Contrary to that uncertainty, I am given understanding of my general history, that in the past I sought God, and thus in a way I was giving my fiat (will) to God. While I have been misled, God preserved me and led me to what I perceive to be the fullness of truth. So I concluded that as long as I put my trust in God, to have faith, I will be protected in the soul, even if I suffer a bit along the way. And the history is clear, out of the darkness I was led into the light by divine providence, for that reason I trust in God that I shall not be led into destructive error.
So, it is my whole experience, revealed to me by God, which led me to faith in Him, His voice, and thus His Church. Without the entire revelation and grace of God, I would not be able to have faith in Him, true saving faith as I have now. Yet even now I still have an imperfect understanding of God, for that understanding, that is faith, grows in time and through the progress of my life. However, to balance all of this, doubt is required, thus the uncertainty. This ends the honest account on my faith, for now.
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