I want to be a saint. I know exactly that being a saint does not mean having grand spiritual experiences. It is instead to live simply in the Will of God. Yes we have heard of something extraordinary from the saints. Yet God has warned us against the superficial and the appearances. Holiness is like a plant, a good one must have strong roots and bear many fruits. The reason these saints have extraordinary stories is because they have mastery over the ordinary, such that they are given the extraordinary. God may use the stories to attract people to the path of holiness, in some unique divine marketing scheme, and lead them deeper into Him.
I have been aching to do His will, yet at the same time failing often. Even now I wonder if I am currently doing His will or am just doing what I think is His will. I do not know how much can my writing help people. I do not precisely know how to make exceptionally good pieces of writing. I write what I write, and that is the end of it. Does my writings have any meaning, does it and will it contribute to the Kingdom of God? The darkness that dominates my being does not make it easier to do this. I am a slave of the divine will.
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